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Me: simplistic fool



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March 25th, 2005

Totally Depraved
You are 18% pure

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 2% on purity
Link: The 100 Point Sexual Purity Test written by ocicat on Ok Cupid

OH MY!!!! I am rather bad aren't I?

March 20th, 2005

(no subject)

Me: simplistic fool
Madness is at foot...

That community, desperatefans, that Grace has been fangirling... I think I shall join.. but who as? Advice please.

The following charas are taken so I can't be them:Collapse )

So any suggestions at all would be helpful...

March 13th, 2005

(no subject)

b/k and m/k
Do you ever wonders if the world is only something your subconcious has dreamed up? I had that feeling all day today. I couldn't quite concentrate on anything... it was rather nice in its own way. It made me smile, when the only constant in my drifting thoughts was my Tom. It is rather funny, I've changed alot in such a short time. From hardened, souless, smack-fiend to what I am now. I'm not quite sure what I am, really. Loving husband, father, brother, friends. Sounds like an epitaph, no? I guess in its simpleist form it comes down to being alive. I wasn't alive when I did all those hard drugs. A k-hole is nice, but it doesn't compare to the things I get to live daily these days. Because in a K-hole you see, you aren't really living life. You are simply seeing it (and a thousand million other things at once.) A good trip can seem sublime, but it really isn't in actuallity. And heroin? It is rather funny that I would do horse, isn't it? I rageing hornball like me addicted to a drug that made it impossible for me to fuck... No actually living life is much better. Its better than any high.

March 8th, 2005

Dude this car is the most beautiful thing ever! If I had 150 grand + to drop on the car, I'd do it in a fucking second! I have been madly in love with Shelbys for the longest time.

So in the spirit of my mad love for a Shelby GT 500, I will post my list of hot cars...

1. Shelby GT 500 (vintage would be some hot shit, but a reissue or custom build is fine with me) [image] Price: $150,000 +
2. Porsche Spyder (vintage... 1955 if I could spring it, but maybe thats the Dean fanatic in me) [images] Price: unknown
3. Maserati Sebring (vintage particuarly '66) [image] Price: c. $90,000
5. Bentley Flying Spur (late '50s model or very early 60s) [image] Price: c. $100,000

But hey, my baby is quite a bute, and not exactly cheap either. 2004 Ford 40th Anniversary Mustang... I don't have pictures available, but she basically looks like this [image], although she is a gorgous blue color.

And Tom's wheels ain't bad either... in fact I think he and I should trade. He drives a 2002 T-bird, which we got for a great price from the shop. The thing runs beautifully and doesn't look so bad either. But the poor boy has been drooling over a '64 T-bird that the boss drives. I swear if he ever decides to sell, we will snap that car up in a new york minute.

I do miss my custom Civic, but that car had to go or I never would have stopped racing. I'm glad that it got to stay in the family though. It's been through three siblings. Me, then Grace, and now Jake. I know Grace loved the car too. It was like an extension of yourself when you drove it. Its a pity that she had to give the car up too.

I lied...

Me: simplistic fool
I said I was gonna talk about my past in this entry, but I really don't feel quite up to it right now. So I will tell you about a delightful evening of drinking (some of it under-aged.) Tom had the day off of work today, and my sister was working a short shift, so we had the brilliant idea of a little get together. So Tom, my sister (Gracie), her boyfriend (Jerry), and I went over to the bar where Tom and my best friend Chris work. Chris was working tonight and this nice kid Jesse. So we managed to get Grace in despite the fact that she's a little under-aged (but not by much.)

It was almost like old times, we just sat around talking and having a few beers. We talked about so much stuff, basically about where we are going in life. It was interesting to say the least. We got into a nice political argument too, which was surprisingly nice. But I am shocked that Grace would date anyone that far to the right (i.e. at center) lol. That girl is really shaping up to be a great activist. We also spent a lot of time talking about sexuality... it was pretty interesting cause none of us (Jerry included, interestingly enough) really fits into the confines of the binary ideas of sexuality. So that was fun. After we talked we played a little pool and then Jerry took Grace home.

Tom and I stuck around a little longer and then went to my mom's to pick up the kids. Long ass drive home, man those kids were hyper. I love my mom and I definitely respect her parenting skills, but Jesus Christ on a stick could she have given them more caffeine!
I didn't get a chance to talk about religion in my last post... which is intresting, because aside from my homosexuality, my religion is how many people choose to define me.

I am a happy pagan man... I really can't tell you what I am at the end of the day. I used to be very, very stereotypically Wiccan. But alot of things have changed since then. I have been able to open my eyes alittle more and embrace the pluarlity of this world. I think that Wiccanism is simply too dualistic for me, in a sence it is almost as bad as Christianity in that it sticks everything firmly into two genders (male and female.) Althought there is a very active gay community among Wiccans, I still feel marginalized when I am with them. I don't really know where I stand with them; I have never been a real flammer and sometimes when I was participating in circle with Wiccans, I felt as though that was what was expected of me. Maybe I'm getting the message wrong, but I don't know.

I can never truly fit in and feel comfortable in a religion that has strict gender roles, I know there are many out there that don't but it has taken me awhile to find the path that is right. Hinduism is very pluarlistic, there is very much an element of the third gender. Which is nice, but Hinduism isn't for me really. I've seen the way Jake and Shanti (brother and sister in law) practice their faith, and I find it to be incredibly beautiful, but simply not for me. It took me a long time to find that Ecclectic Paganism was the way for me. I've always needed a very personal connection to the Divine, the Source.

Sometimes being an Ecclectic Pagan can be difficult, the only person you have to look to for Spiritual guidence is yourself. I've been through alot of changes in my life this past year. Changes that have made me stronger emotionally and spiritually. I have discovered that at the end of the day, I am accountable. This accountability has truly led me to a new awakening of my faith. I can finally be my own guide, because I finally know what I am looking for. After all the destination isn't what matters, it's the journey.

bte: I will be talking about "the past" in my next entry. Always a thing I have to deal with, so I thought I should get it out of the way.
I am here at my darling sister's bidding. I am not quite sure what to say, so I suppose I should introduce myself.

Hi my name is Samuel, but most people call me Sam or duck (or something equally as silly). I am a 24 year old gay man, soon to be 25. I was born on the Ides of March in 1980.

I am very happy with my long term patner, Tom, and our kids. I guess I should explain that one shouldn't I? Both Tom and I were previously married, I had a son, Josh, with my wife. Tom had two girls. So there you go the happy family.

I live in Westminster, Maryland. Not one of the most gay friendly areas, but we make do. I work as a mechanic at my step-dad's garage and also as a paperwork gruntie at a local bodyshop. Tom works as a bartender currently. He also dances whenever he gets the chance. He's had a few great jobs with dance companies recently, and he is hoping to work as a dance coach for one of the local dance academies.

I suppose I should mention that both Tom and I are HIV+, so alot of this journal will be talking about our health. But don't worry I promise not to be too depressing.

So there you go, my life in a nutshell.
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